Reflecting on Father's Day

It's been a while since I put pen to paper...or rather fingers to keyboard. I figured today would be a good time to get some words out considering the weekend has made more contemplative than usual.

Tomorrow is Father's Day but dad isn't around for me to wish him well. I usually don't talk much about him because I like to keep his words and memory safe from the prying and critical eyes of the world. However, my emotions have overflowed this morning and I feel the need to share them with the world in a few words.

I woke up this morning with a sense of listlessness, sadness, and distraction. My mind was elsewhere while my body did the usual morning routines. I remember his memory, his words, his resolute approach to life, loyalty, and his immense love for family. On my way out the door, my tears flowed freely down my face. I wanted a chance to sit down and cry but I did not want to wallow. After all, the day did not deserve tears or sadness just happiness and fond memories. I wanted a chance to sit down and remember but my mind was racing to fulfill the next thing on my list of things to do. I wanted a chance to hug someone and let out my frustrations and unload my sadness of the day but no one was around to give me a shoulder. 

In the five minutes that I waited while the bus came, I reflected. Am I living my life according to the principles he taught me? Am I living my life with dignity and respect? Am I working hard and not taking things for granted? Questions and memories overflowed and I was overwhelmed.

This was a sad morning. No one was around to see it and I didn't want anyone to see it.

Define - Fervor: Intense and passionate feeling

A natural high of happiness...

This past weekend was an amazing amount of good weather, kites, color, and good friends.

After an insane bi-polar D.C. winter characterized by a pathetic "snowquestration", this past weekend had amazingly bright skies. The sun was out, my shades were on, and I was able to walk around in flippy-floppies. Hello Spring! Good by nasty winter.

I experienced my first Holi Festival. A celebration of color and dancing. It didn't matter who you were...people embraced you, people threw color at you, and people danced alongside you. The festival was symbolic of new harvest, a triumph of good over evil, and a general celebration of happiness as we emerge into a new season. If there was such a thing as walking through a rainbow and coming out as the colors, it would be the Holi festival. I have never felt such concentrated amounts of happiness in one area in my whole life. People were on a natural high and the vibe was so addicting that I couldn't help but sing and dance with the crowd.

This past weekend was also the Japanese Kite Festival on the National Mall. The bright skies were littered with butterflies, airplanes, fish, cars, and every childhood object imaginable. Nothing says childhood dreams and flying objects like a kite festival. The children were out, the tourists were a nuisance, the families were sun bathing on the National Mall. It was a sight to behold and D.C. is magical in the spring when the cherry blossoms begin to bloom and people emerge from a dismal winter.

I was reunited with an old high school friend who was in town. I hadn't seen her in six years! We reminisced,  hugged, laughed, and reveled at how time passed us by and yet we could still pick up where we left off. The memories of old friendships and the upcoming possibilities of rekindling them in the near future made me realize how life is just too short to not keep in touch with those you may have left behind but who still played an integral part in shaping who you are today.

I was able to celebrate a birthday! A friend turned 25 and the usual Saturday night was full of music, dancing, and good drinks. A celebration of another year lived and many more years to come.

Easter Sunday came with an Easter Brunch Buffet. A gluttony of decent food and amazing company. A reminder that a hearty meal only tastes good when you have good friends to enjoy it with.

One weekend and one simple reminder why we should live with voracious spirit, laugh constantly, love each day,  and revel in simple moments that bring color to our lives.

Perspectives

There are those can help you understand the world a little better...

"About perspectives. To us earthlings, the big dipper, well, looks like a big dipper. But at another place in the universe, it will look like something else completely. So which perspective is right? Is it a dipper? Is it a line of dots? Is it all the perspectives of all the possible views on the constellation?" - My bestie, Jay

The Big Comfy Couch

The struggles of a young woman is a secret to the world. These past couple of months have been a torrent of emotions, frustrations, happiness, and restlessness. My life, thus far -> trees cracking against the cold winter winds, government shut down from an unknown storm, a fiscal cliff of uncertainty, and panic over an overflow of deadlines. 

2013 started with new beginnings, new feelings, anticipation, and excitement. On the third month, it has ebbed into the possibility that it could either get better or worse. Then again, therein lies the excitement because an unknown world is always an exciting one with dips and rises of what may become a roller coaster or a smooth drive along sunset boulevard watching the waves from down below.

I guess we can only take it one step at a time and inch our way forward. Could it be a year of risk taking? I have been known to play with caution and dip my toe in the water instead of cannon balling into unknown depths. Perhaps, I should take a different approach? A friend once said "better to give things a shot than die wondering."

Being a risk taker is always difficult because you leave yourself vulnerable to the unknown. You leave yourself open to life and you also expose yourself to its derision. It's scary and yet I'm on the edge looking down and it looks damn scary.

I told myself 2013 is a time to get out of my comfort zone...and I did that, in more ways than one. There are days where I crave the comfort zone, like a drug addict craves his next hit. However, nowadays I'm on my own and I only have the comfort of those close to me to encourage me onward.  I guess that is considered growing and maturing against the times. I take it on wholeheartedly but not without a sense of foreboding.

My friend calls the "comfort zone" as the big comfy couch. You miss it, you want to forget yourself in it, and you want to just forget the world when you're laying on top of it. In the process you also forget about yourself and you forget that the big comfy couch only serves to slow you down and forget your priorities.

In the end, life can come in the form of a thing, a person, a situation. It can give, take away, and provide. However, at the end of the day you are alone in dealing with it. Your decision will determine how to go forward. Your will power is what will drive it. It takes work. It takes effort. It takes risk.

Random Thoughts

What is a fleeting moment in a sea of constant turmoil and instability? When the waves surrender to the pull of the moon, the ocean becomes calm and listless. The unending waves pulled in different directions unknown.

Trying to be a morning person

Being a morning person is the most difficult thing EVER in your youth. I am convinced it is partly genetics and partly old age that factors into it. People often say, those who wake early are considered the most successful because they get things done. After all, as the old saying goes: early bird catches the worm. Ergo, I am on a quest to wake up at 6am every morning to get to the gym for an hour and be at work before my boss gets in at 8am. This self-inflicting sacrifice is purely a test to see if I can actually accomplish the impossible.

Monday Morning:

5:55am:

Thank god, I have 5 minutes until 6am. I can hit the snooze button and ignore my mom's call.

6am:

I struggle. I fight. I cry. I bury myself deeper in my mattress. Flip the covers over my head and curse the ticking clock.

6:05am:

I shove my head deeper in the pillow and allow the blanket warmth to seep through my bones.

6:20am:

I close my eyes tighter to shut the rest of the world from intruding in my comfort.

6: 30am:
The clock's ticking voice reverberates through my room in a limitless attempt to annoy the shit out of
me. I slowly push myself up thinking this is IT! This is the moment I will wake. I then look around in the dark room and in one huff I say "fuck it" and plop back under my covers, snuggling closer to the center of the mattress and into my blanket.

All the while, the clock keeps going..6:40, 6:41, 6:42, 6:43, 6:44, 6:45..

6:50 am:

My eyes open to adjust to the digital clock on my phone. Panic overtakes me. I jump out of bed rushing to the bathroom all the while shoving gym clothes in my bag while my toothbrush is hanging out of my mouth and one shoe on.

7am:

My 6am wake up goal is a blatant fail. My attempt to work against the slumber laws of physics crumbles before my eyes. My bleary eyes adjust to the cold morning light. My first step into a new day. Not quite the opening I wanted, but at least I wake. Perhaps productivity is on vacation today.

Wise Words When You Reach Your Quarter Life Century

Funny/Memorable quotes from my birthday:

1. "You're 25? Giiiiirl...it is prime age to get drunk, get laid, and get out." - Tisha, Office Front Desk.
2. "When I was 25 I was in Spain and I was in love...with many men." -Maribel
3. "When I turned 25 I had a quarter century crises and I cried to the cab driver." - Abra
4. "You got flowers and edible arrangements? That's like my graduation and all birthdays combined." - David

5. "Happy Wednesday" - Roland
6. It's okay to have fun and go crazy at your age. When you reach age 28 and onwards and you drink and go crazy-people will judge you." - Boss
7. "How old are you? 25? God, you're still a baby." - Boss
8. "At your age, I was high everyday...those were the good days. Then I got a job at the State department and those good days ended" - Lee
9. "25 is a milestone! 26 is nothing because it's all downhill from there..take me for example..I'm almost half way to a 100." -My bro